ever since kirsten was born, i have "used" the attachment parenting style - roomed her in, breastfed her, responded to her every cry, now we co-sleep. i have dr. sear's book, the baby book.
every time i tell people that i carry my daughter everytime she cries, i would almost always get the same response, "naku, sinasanay mo sa karga." when i tell her that i comfort and soothe her to sleep, they say "naku, wag mo sanayin ng ganyan. hayaan mong makatulog on her own." even my boss shares the story where he left his crying 10-year old daughter in a room away from their for the entire night (he said he can't stand the crying) to teach her to "self-soothe." afterwhich, he says she can sleep on her own. talk about early sleep training!
being a first time mom, i understand that babies cry. that's their only way of communication. i have no yaya (yet), so i take care of my cutie pie 24/7 (i return to work in 3 weeks). i'm breastfeeding exclusively. in short, i'm at her beck and call. :)
and i haven't been able to sleep for more than 3 (used to be less than 1 hour!) straight hours. she feeds every hour, 2 hours, 3 hours. i miss my sleep. kirsten wants to be held all the time; whenever i put her, she cries. my arms literally hurt or go numb from carrying her for long periods of time, as she has been gaining weight. and so i am advised (again) to let her self-soothe. have her cry it out (ferber method).
a few times now, i let her cry a bit before i pick her up. it hurts me to hear her cry, but i always tell myself i should do this now or suffer later (according to other people). but after a few minutes, i pick her up (and she stops crying instantly haha!).
tonight, i couldn't seem to stop her cries. she has been fed, and her nappy has been changed. i read somewhere that if you know she's ok, a good cry won't do her harm. it actually exercises her lungs (a nurse at the medical city also told me this). so i put her back in the bassinet and let her cry. after about 10 minutes, silence. when i checked, she was asleep. with tears in her eyes/face.
i felt like s***. i'm a bad mother (feeling like this is normal per my reading hehe). :( i don't know if i can let her cry it out again next time. i wiped her tears away, and apologized to my sleeping sweetheart. i felt so bad.
when she woke up after about 30 minutes, i picked her up right away. and apologized. again. i love you, baby girl. i don't know if it's right to try to "train" you this early, but i think it can wait until later (between 4-6 months, i just checked online now). you're only 2 months, 3 days old. for now, i will hold you every chance i get. feed you on demand. play with you at 3am, or at any time you want to. pick you up at the slightest whimper. hele you to sleep for as long as you want, aching arms (and hips, and back) be damned. :)
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